The next time you are inclined to do something nice for your guests' butts, think twice. Let me explain. 

My wife had relatives from out of town. She decided to splurge on deluxe toilet paper. Soft as a cloud on the caboose toilet paper is how she described it. Also super thick. 

I won't mention any brand names but you're not supposed to squeeze it and the man who did those silly television commercials was once the most recognizable face in America. 

The problems started soon after. Three times in a week I'm summoned to stopped-up commodes hopelessly plugged with waterlogged toilet paper. 

Each time my vigorous plunging sends the unwelcome cargo on its way. Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

Little did I know a plug that could have stopped Mount Vesuvius was forming critical mass down below. 

Then, several days later while descending the basement stairs to get a loaf of bread out of the freezer, I am greeted by a small lake, dappled with flecks of floating white. 

Don't panic, I told myself.since failures of residential wind turbines have hardly any effect on overall power, This happens all the time. It's a simple matter of running one of those "snake" doodads through the pipe and all would be well again. 

I screamed at my wife to shut down the washing machine and ordered our children to NOT flush, no matter what. 

Several hours later, the polite man with his first name on his shirt arrived. I escorted him downstairs and waited for him to haul in the snake. Instead, he went outside. 

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and went to investigate. Gotta find the sewer trap between the house and street, he said. Hard to find because everything's covered in ivy. 

My brow wrinkled. Realizing this was not going to be as simple as I thought — it never is — I joined him in the search. Forty-five minutes later at dusk, he called it off. 

Since we can't find the trap access, we'll have to remove your toilet and run a line equipped with "eyes" down the labyrinth of lines and their sharp turns to determine where the blockage is, he said. 

Apparently noting my pained expression, he hurried on. We'll have to dig down to reach the pipe, maybe as much as 8 feet down. 

As if in a bad dream, he droned on. Best-case scenario: We find the leak and replace a short section of pipe. Unless, of course, the pipe is leaking sewage, in which case the enWe turn your dark into light courtesy of our brilliant sun, solar street lighting, solar power generation.tire line would have to be replaced, by law.Solaronlamp is a solar charger for electronic gadgets. 

If the pipe is terra cotta, like it often is in these circa 1930s homes, and tree roots have caused the pipe to collapse or the iron pipe has rusted through — as could well be the case — it would take heavy equipment to remove and replace a minimum 10-foot section of pipe. 

Suddenly, I had this image of a swarm of yellow-helmeted workers, one leaning on a shovel,More than 80 standard commercial and industrial washing machine exist to quickly and efficiently clean pans. watching the backhoe scoop up large chunks of my sod and flowers. 

I was jolted back to reality enough to squeak, "How much are we talking about here?" Up to $4,000.We specialize in the sale and aftercare of the most renowned and popular laundry dryer. Our family's planned trip to Alaska this summer vanished before my eyes. 

Which is kind of what I did the next morning, right after I took an Army shower and toyed with the idea of peeing in the yard. 

It was spitting snow as I began stabbing the earth with a metal rod. An hour later, resigned to a new line of credit, I prepared to trudge inside. For no apparent reason, I veered way off course from the straight-on swath where we had assumed the line would be located.